Don’t climb alone.

As a high performer, you no doubt set out to do something hard this year.  Whether it was achieving your sales quota, writing a book, or losing weight, you were committed to taking ground on the proverbial climb to your best self.  By now, stuff has happened.  Your team may have changed, your priorities may have shifted, and your biggest, most inspiring goals have gathered some dust.

The point is, by the time a few months have gone by, you are likely off track or concerned about surviving months of additional high-paced work.  There is one change, however, that can make the rest of the climb easier, and it is shockingly simple:

Get a friend to join you for the climb.

I have studied the effects of accountability and reinforcement on habit development for years and came to several firm conclusions on those subjects.  Among them is that peers make for poor accountability partners.  Peers can provide excellent reinforcement, even excellent coaching, but when it comes to accountability, senior leaders, direct reports, and loved ones (especially children) provide maximum accountability.

Recently, however, I read a fascinating study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology about the positive impact of social support.  It turns out that psychological support in the form of a friend actually changes our physical perception of challenges we face.  In the study, people were asked to estimate the steepness of a hill.  Those viewing the hill alone estimated it to be 25% steeper than those with a friend. 

25%!

I have experienced this myself.  In grade school, the longest I’d ever run was a mile and a half as part of our annual fitness test.  It was every person for themself, and it was awful.  That ‘hill’ felt steep.  A few years later I embarked on training for a marathon with my then girlfriend (wife of 21 years today), and it got easier.  A handful of years later we completed an ironman.  Those climbs were inconceivable before, but got easier together.

Six years ago, I contemplated the challenge of becoming 100% debt free.  The mortgage was the steepest hill.  It felt insurmountable.  I started making extra payments, but couldn’t see how we’d keep the pace up for years.  Then I paired up with a friend from work, took Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University class, and started climbing together.  Emergency fund, check.  Debts paid, check.  Retirement plan, check.  Better insurance, check.  And ultimately, the mortgage.  Weekly conversations, little milestones achieved.  This year the goal was achieved, and I’ve never slept better.

What about you? 

Are you climbing a mountain at work or in your personal life that requires months or years of sustained effort?  Is there someone who could join you for the climb?  You’ll still need accountability and reinforcement, and the climb still won’t be easy…but if a friend could increase your odds of success (and probably benefit the friend as well), isn’t it worth a try?